don't let him win.

Have you ever thought, 

{"I'm not sure if God is real, but I KNOW satan is."}

I would love love love to say that I have had a perfect knowledge of God my entire life, but that is just not true.

I had an epiphany. I got frustrated this morning with myself, that I wasn't where I needed to be in life. I guess a reminder that I was so imperfect, but to the point where I got down on myself. (Again, I understand my thoughts are not true, or logical, or good thoughts, but they were my thoughts.)

r.e.w.i.n.d.

I hit a small breaking point last night. I thought, why am I even praying right now when I see or feel no change? My prayer began with "Heavenly Father, right now I am only praying because I am supposed to."

Now, I have had some not just small, but great witnesses that God is real. And that He hears us. But for some reason, those experiences fade a little faster than doubt sometimes does. It feels like it takes a lot more work to keep positivity in ones life, then negativity.

Satan just makes sense to me. I have felt his lies, his deceits, his jabs to my heart, his strong desire to make me fail. I have felt his temptation, I have felt discouragement, and I have felt defeat. I know those things come from satan. I know satan is real.

So back to this morning-- my unnecessary frustration with myself. I realized who I was letting get to my mind and my heart. When I came to that realization, a loud thought entered my mind.

"Don't let him win." 

Immediately, I dropped to my knees and pleaded for forgiveness. Immediately, I had a burden lift, I gained a bit more hope than I had 1 minute prior, and a smile on my face.

"And thou hast beheld in thy youth his glory... for the spirit is the same, yesterday, today and forever."

2 Nephi 2:4

 In this moment, I remembered. I remembered the grace that our Savior brings. I remembered that no matter how much we doubt, deny, or forget, both God and Jesus Christ don't forget us. They are always so lovingly welcoming us back into their open arms.  

We can't give up. We can't let someone who lies, hates us, and wants us to fail, win.

"...thou knowest the greatness of God; and he shall consecrate thine afflictions for thy gain."

2 Nephi 2:2

We learn constantly that there is opposition in all things. Darkness and light. Bad and good. Sadness and happiness. And we recognize that opposition is part of the plan. But do we recognize the opposite of remembering that is also so important? I feel we forget, so we can feel the joy of remembering, that surpasses the sadness of forgetting. If we all think about a time we remembered an experience, a tender mercy, isn't it such a happy moment? And that moment that we remember, builds our confidence in God. 

This morning was a happy moment.

Keep pressing forward, even when it feels pointless. I swear, God provides His tender mercies at theeeeeee most perfect moments. Those moments are perfect for our progress.

I need to remind myself, I know the ending of this war between God and satan. God wins. Light wins. Always!

 Choose the light. And trust you are on the winning side. You might just see a smile on your face, and feel for a moment, the love that the Lord has for you.