my truest self.

Hiiiii!

Back from Africa. Literally had the time of my life. All of it was amazing. The culture, the people, and such a beautiful country. I have had countless people contact me asking about the organization, and asking about my experience. But I have found it is impossible to explain what occurred. Most of it has become pretty sacred actually, and will only be shared with close family and friends. But a little note- if you are interested in volunteering, reach out to me and I’ll help you out!

People who have gone on humanitarian like trips usually come back saying they are “changed” or a “different person.” I said that when I returned home from Guatemala a few years back. I came back with opened eyes, more gratitude, and more desire to serve.

But this time was different. I knew what I was going into. I knew the things I would witness, the horrific stories I would hear, but also the magic I would feel when I’m around these beautiful people. I came home from this trip saying, “I am my truest self in Africa.” Now I can’t take credit for that phrase. It came from a woman who also does humanitarian work all around Africa. However, that phrase resonated with me. It was the only description that could capture exactly how I felt while in Africa.

I was where I was supposed to be. I was and am meant to work with kids. I was and am absolutely meant to work with those whose hands hang down, and who need to be strengthened. I was and am meant to work with special children. I am where I need to be. I am on a path that makes me feel excited about life. And the weird thing is, my life has never been so NOT planned! But I have never felt more confident than I do now, about me living a meaningful life. A life full of purpose. Because I’ve learned how to listen.

Where do you feel to be your “truest self?”

Is it at work? Is it at school? Is it in your home with your family? Is it volunteering? Is it being in nature? Is it being with your partner? Wherever your truest self is felt, I want you to think about this question.

Are you in that place enough? If not, why aren’t you there more?

Only a handful of times have I felt such extreme peace, that I am exactly where I need to be. And for those of you who have felt that, isn’t it the most refreshing feeling? Even though you may be surrounded by good things or good people, finding that place makes you feel like you are discovering yourself! You are finding out what your soul really wants. You are finally living a life, not just existing in a life that is meant to be lived by someone else.

The more time that goes on in your life, and the further down a path you go, you create a mold. If you have chosen a path that is good, but not the best for YOU or what you truly want, you hit a wall. You hit a stopping point where you feel stuck almost! It’s like your heart is telling you to do something, that literally feels impossible to make happen. That is exactly how I felt just a few months back. I was stuck in this mold. Completely stuck. I was involved in ALLLLLL good things- don’t get me wrong. Things that taught me, that helped me grow as a person, that gave me new relationships and friendships, and things that I was involved in for a reason. But I hit a low point, for more reasons than one, and had an eye opening thought.

I’m   not   happy.   I’m not excited. Not that you have to be excited for every day, but I didn’t really enjoy living. I did not look forward to waking up in the morning. In fact, I dreaded it! So why was I here?

What brought me to this point?

Social pressure/timelines

I believe it is too easy to fall in a natural progression, which can definitely be a good thing, but in my case, not so much. I started with something, for example, school. Because I went one semester, I needed to go another! And so on and so forth. When it hit a period of me only having 18 credits till I graduated, I told myself a butt load of have to’s, need to’s, shoulds, etc. to convince myself to continue.

Dating: maybe you have been with someone for so long, that you feel obligated that the next step in your relationship is an engagement

Working: maybe you stay at a job because you know you make good money, or will with the next bonus or pay raise, so you feel you should to stay. Or you feel it is too late to start a new career because you are so far down the path of another. Or you fear to quit because of the unknown

School: you stay in a major because you are three years into it, really wanting to do something else, but you feel you should stay because it would be a waste of time and money if you didn’t.

Being a stay at home mom: maybe you feel obligated that you have to stay at home, because others will judge you if you don’t, or vice versa!

(This one is directed toward a specific someone) Becoming a salesperson: Someone I love just signed up to sell Doterra, and she is SO excited, yet not wanting to come across as “annoying” on social media, and becoming “that friend.” Caring what people think about her passion is hindering what she really wants to do!

I don’t know, just throwing out some crap. But reallll crap. haha

You get my point right??

WHO WAS TELLING ME THESE HAVE TO’S AND SHOULDS? Social pressure has a lot to do with it of course. Don’t laugh. But things would even go through my mind like “I don’t want to go on dates and when they ask my major (LOL always happens) I say I’m not in school! That I literally chose to quit/take a break, whatever you want to call it. How embarrassing!”

K wow. As much as I thought I didn’t care what people thought of me, I totally did! I wasn’t quite sure how to embrace what my heart really wanted. I worried about stares. I worried about timelines. I worried about people that honestly, don’t give a crap about me! The people who truly cared about me, pushed me right to the ledge. They gave me the courage to jump. Why was I spending time worrying about other people, or even people in my future (like future dates) I didn’t even know yet! Goodness!

Want to know one of my biggest supporters to take a break from school? MY ACADEMIC ADVISOR. Logically, that doesn’t make sense. He is a professor. He is a supporter of getting an education. But, he told me to run from campus! Because when you run towards something else, you are creating an exciting future for yourself. Doesn’t that thought just make you feel excitement?

guilt

I also feel that too many times we think we owe our time to others. That is so wrong. We don’t owe anything to anyone. When we owe our time, we aren’t doing anyone a favor. We aren’t really giving of ourselves our genuine love, we are doing it out of complete obligation.

My sister-in-law said, “When duty, commitment and responsibility replace fulfillment, happiness and peace, your strengths become your struggle. Letting them go shows courage.”

That is exactly what happened to me! I was in a place where I was serving people through my work and school involvement, which I felt my strengths belonged! I know that I was making a difference. But I soon made myself feel obligated to devote every single ounce of my energy to the people around me. Because of this, I was drained. I literally became empty. And I felt I had nothing left to pull from. If I were to abandon these things, I felt complete guilt.

that’s impossible

Can you think of a time where you said to yourself, “There’s just no way.” Whether the reason may be other time obligations, financial difficulties, life situations, you literally and immediately talk yourself out of your dream, without even taking the time to consider if it really is an option.

If you are meant to be something, do something, be somewhere: it CAN happen! It can. I really do believe that. Because I just experienced it. But, it requires you to make a choice. And then God just seems to work out the rest.

When you hit the point of self-reflection, realizing you aren’t in the right place, you have two choices.

1.    Listen to what you truly want. Take the time to feel and not think about a decision. And then find the courage to make it. Do it do it do it!

Or

2.    Keep going down that path. (No, this isn’t always a bad thing! Sometimes we have to just plug along for awhile to get where we have to be. So I’m not against this). I’m talking about when your body, heart, soul, whatever, tells you to do something different, and you ignore it. You choose to stay on the same dang path.

Just typing that second choice makes me cringe. It brings me back to moments that I did just that. That I ignored my heart out of either social pressure, guilt of owing myself and my time to others, or simply, not believing that it is a possibility to make that thing happen.

These kids in Africa, literally have everything counting against them. Yet not for one second do they let those obstacles change what their dream is. I was walking in a village and met the sweetest girl (name I can’t pronounce let alone type). She was holding a huge bowl of food on her head, trying to sell it to those who came by. I asked her what she wanted to be when she grew up, and she didn’t answer. She just sat thinking. For a minute I thought she didn’t understand what I asked. So I just continued walking next to her through the village, commenting on the beautiful scenery.  Then five minutes later, she taps me on the arm and says, “I want to be a doctor.” Now, this girl comes from one of the poorest villages in Ghana. She probably had two pairs of clothes, one awful pair of shoes, and a large family that she has to stay and care for. But when she told me her dream to be a doctor, her face literally lit up.

This is the girl I was referring to, and one of her friends. Aren't they beautiful?

I kneeled down right in front of her, gave her a hug, and said, “Do you believe in God?” Her answer: “YES.” “Do you know He loves you?” Her answer: “YES.” “Do you think you can work really hard?” Her answer: “YES.” “Then you will absolutely achieve your dream. Don’t stop believing okay? Cause you will help a lot of people.” She smiled big, gave me an agreeing nod and she grabbed my hand to hold it for the rest of our walk. This girl was 11 years old.

The biggest believer in your dreams, especially in the dreams that you don’t even know are your dreams yet, is God. He created you. He knows your heart. He knows your mind. He knows your insecurities, your fears, your obstacles, your doubts. This sweet little girl, had an absolute knowledge that God knew who she was, and that he listened to her prayers. So, if God spoke to you, and encouraged you to jump, would you?

If you would, bravo. cause that means you have a complete trust in your Father in Heaven. He can and will make anything happen, if we have the faith in Him and also faith in ourselves, that taking a leap, a jump, whatever it may be, will bring us to an even more beautiful destination.

Africa was mine. What’s yours?

XOXO

Morg

For those interested in seeing more of my trip, I added a few pictures so feel free! 
Organizations: ACACIA SHADE and GHANA MAKE A DIFFERENCE