We could all love a little bit more.

Well hello.

The news today has been quite crazy. Gay Marriage is now legal across the entire country. I'm happy! Thrilled actually.

Here is why.

Okay, so I have a sister. Hey Lin. She is gay! Crazy huh. She is married to such a beautiful human being. She has three perfectly perfect children who I want to steal because I am so obsessed with them. Jo and Lindi have got to be the most amazing mothers. There is love in their home. They are strong women. They are hilarious. They are driven. They spoilllllll their kids, and give them everything they could ever need or want in a home and family. They are madly in love. And let me tell ya somethin. They are so happy. But they truly have fought for their happiness, which I feel we all do at points in our lives.

Their stories have touched my heart like nothing else has.

But thats not what I am writing this for. I would just like it if we could all open our minds just a bit, love everyone for who they are, wish happiness upon everyone, and try to see things from a perspective that might not be our "go to."

Think of you for a second being in a position of lacking rights.

Think of receiving hatred, and inequality.

Think of a tile guy being in the middle of a project in your household, finding out your sexuality that isn't the "norm," and then picking up and leaving the job half finished. And while walking out the door, stating "Do not ever contact me again. I don't work for people like you."

Think if you went through 10 different doctors to try and find someone who agreed to help you have a child.

Think if your family was told you are ruining society.

Think of you being married and having children. Think of if your spouse were to die, knowing that your kids that your spouse birthed wouldn't legally be yours because you aren't technically married.

It's an awful thought to imagine right?

These are real situations.

But not anymore. :)

I am not trying to convince anyone at all to change their beliefs. Or change their vote on a ballot. What I am proposing, is that we think before we judge others. That we think before we make such harsh statements against someone who may be just a little "different." --No matter their situation.

Love is the most powerful feeling and action in the universe. We all came from love. We came from a father in Heaven with unconditional, perfect love for each one of His children. His entire plan is full of love.  I think we can all agree on that can't we?

We have come to this earth, with the goal of returning home. That depends on how we emulate Christ's example here in this life. I know this. And I am trying my dang hardest to love as he loves.

But I think sometimes we think we know it all!! Honestly, all I really know in my heart, is that God is in charge. He knows us perfectly. He knows our struggles, our grief, our pain, our doubt, and he is the judge. He is the one each of us should be turning to daily, asking "Are we good?" I heard from someone that I really respect, that we should ask two questions each day.

One to God "Are you and I good?" 

And another, "Are we good with ourself?"

If you can answer those questions each day with full confidence in yourself and how you are living, great. I don't feel it is our place to step in on someone else's very personal and sacred relationship with God.

We all may have different views, beliefs, standards, goals, motives, whatever the case. And I respect those who stay true to what they believe. But lets make sure we do it with complete respect for one another.

We do not all have to agree with something that may contradict what we hold dear to our hearts. But we all have the expectation from God to love others unconditionally. And love- is completely withholding judgement. It is loving someone for who they are. As we see others as sons and daughters of God, we begin to think of them in a whole new light. I know thats true. Man, I think we need to start thinking of ourselves as God would as well! We would be a lot happier of a people.

I know without a doubt, that God loves me. Regardless of any situation, action, choice, thought, deed, or word that comes out of my mouth. Positive or Negative. I know that God also loves my sister and her beautiful family. Regardless of any action, choice, thought, deed, or word.  We will be judged the same.

I have so much love and respect for so many people today and their personal journeys to finding happiness. I also have so much trust in the Lord. The things I have learned in my life regarding spirituality, I know are true. No one can take away the witness I have had of Christ being our Savior. I believe the Book of Mormon and Bible to be the word of God. I am set on the decision to get married in the temple, in His holy house.

I know a few things. But I am no where near the knowledge that I know I will gain through the eternities. If anyone has questioned, doubted, or fought with themselves over an issue, its this girl right here. But I finally came to the most peaceful conclusion, that it'll alllll work out. We all know who is in charge right? ... Lets let Him take charge then.

I do not claim my words as doctrine, nor do I expect anyone else to agree with what I have mentioned. BUT. I hope someones eyes opened just a bit. We have such a tiny tiny tiny perspective here in this earth life. Lets continue to live our lives as Christ would live. Obedient. Loving. Kind. Serving. And trusting in the good Lord who knows all.

Congratulations to so many people today, who just became a little bit happier. You are loved.

The day it all became real. Such an amazing experience I was able to be a part of.

Link to Elder Christofferson, of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles. Couldn't have been more perfectly said.

don't let him win.

Have you ever thought, 

{"I'm not sure if God is real, but I KNOW satan is."}

I would love love love to say that I have had a perfect knowledge of God my entire life, but that is just not true.

I had an epiphany. I got frustrated this morning with myself, that I wasn't where I needed to be in life. I guess a reminder that I was so imperfect, but to the point where I got down on myself. (Again, I understand my thoughts are not true, or logical, or good thoughts, but they were my thoughts.)

r.e.w.i.n.d.

I hit a small breaking point last night. I thought, why am I even praying right now when I see or feel no change? My prayer began with "Heavenly Father, right now I am only praying because I am supposed to."

Now, I have had some not just small, but great witnesses that God is real. And that He hears us. But for some reason, those experiences fade a little faster than doubt sometimes does. It feels like it takes a lot more work to keep positivity in ones life, then negativity.

Satan just makes sense to me. I have felt his lies, his deceits, his jabs to my heart, his strong desire to make me fail. I have felt his temptation, I have felt discouragement, and I have felt defeat. I know those things come from satan. I know satan is real.

So back to this morning-- my unnecessary frustration with myself. I realized who I was letting get to my mind and my heart. When I came to that realization, a loud thought entered my mind.

"Don't let him win." 

Immediately, I dropped to my knees and pleaded for forgiveness. Immediately, I had a burden lift, I gained a bit more hope than I had 1 minute prior, and a smile on my face.

"And thou hast beheld in thy youth his glory... for the spirit is the same, yesterday, today and forever."

2 Nephi 2:4

 In this moment, I remembered. I remembered the grace that our Savior brings. I remembered that no matter how much we doubt, deny, or forget, both God and Jesus Christ don't forget us. They are always so lovingly welcoming us back into their open arms.  

We can't give up. We can't let someone who lies, hates us, and wants us to fail, win.

"...thou knowest the greatness of God; and he shall consecrate thine afflictions for thy gain."

2 Nephi 2:2

We learn constantly that there is opposition in all things. Darkness and light. Bad and good. Sadness and happiness. And we recognize that opposition is part of the plan. But do we recognize the opposite of remembering that is also so important? I feel we forget, so we can feel the joy of remembering, that surpasses the sadness of forgetting. If we all think about a time we remembered an experience, a tender mercy, isn't it such a happy moment? And that moment that we remember, builds our confidence in God. 

This morning was a happy moment.

Keep pressing forward, even when it feels pointless. I swear, God provides His tender mercies at theeeeeee most perfect moments. Those moments are perfect for our progress.

I need to remind myself, I know the ending of this war between God and satan. God wins. Light wins. Always!

 Choose the light. And trust you are on the winning side. You might just see a smile on your face, and feel for a moment, the love that the Lord has for you.

"How are you?" spoken answer: "GOOD!" Real answer: strugglin.

I honestly don't know exactly why I am doing this.

Today I prayed, and a word came to my mind. "Blog."

I want to share a thought. Or a lot of thoughts.

“How are you?”

A question we get asked 500 times a day. Usually the answer is “So good!” Or “Doing well!” Or “I’m fine, thanks for asking!”

On my mission, I had a companion who taught me a lot. Maybe too much about myself and my feelings. One day I asked her how she was feeling and she took like 57683 minutes to respond. I asked her what was taking her so long, and she said “I’m really thinking about how I am.”

BOOM. Ya know those moments where little things just hit you like a ton of bricks?

Since that moment, I really do take that question into heart. And I am honest. Its been really interesting to see how people react when I give them a not so typical answer: “I’m struggling a bit.” Or “Not good.” Or “This week I have kinda been depressed, but I am hanging in there!”

The other day I was at institute, a class that helps me get to know God, Jesus Christ, and their doctrine. We were getting to know other kids in the class, and describing ourselves. One girl stood up smiling super big at seven in the morning and said "Happy. I am always happy. Always."

My first thought "You're kidding." (No, I don't know her personally and have absolutely no right to judge her in any way shape or form) But I looked around the room, a few people agreed, but countless heads dropped. Who in that room wasn't happy, and was just reminded that they weren't?

My next thoughts included me listing every trial I, a friend, or a family member of mine was experiencing. I didn't list them to have a "pity party," but to figure out what I could do to help myself, and others through the hard things they were facing.

For those who know me, I try always to live with a positive perspective. I want to have fun. I love being adventurous, I love meeting new people, I want to gain experiences that make my life exciting and worthwhile. Laughing and making a fool out of myself is my favorite thing ever. I love life, and I live to make it worthwhile. But I sure as heck have my struggles. And I couldn't be more honest when it comes to talking about them. 

When I came home from my mission this last December, I really did consider myself happy and so full of love that my heart could burst. I came home from the hardest, yet most rewarding experience one could ever have. I served the Lord with everything I had. I loved the people I served. I sacrificed everything I could sacrifice. I just tried my best. And when I failed, I tried to get back up. This was a time in my life that I had so much confidence in not myself, but the Savior.

I came home to the absolute sweetest, most caring, supportive, crazy family this world could offer. I came home to a full ride scholarship, to a whole plan for how my life would be. I came home with a testimony. My life couldn't have been better. It still is, that great. But in reality, you can have the world at your fingertips, but the struggles you go through seem to take over every ounce of gratitude you can muster.

Being home, that confidence I gained has slowly slipped. It gets harder and harder each day in the world we live in to love ourselves, to gain a desire to be better, and to trust our Father in Heaven and His plan. In the lovely culture I am a part of, there are some freaking awesome people. But many times a pressure is created. A pressure is created to RUSH. I understand that 99% percent of those feelings are me making things a bigger deal than they really are, but I know everyone has felt it.

"How is school? Whats your major? Are you going on a mission? Are you dating anyone? Have you had a DTR? Are you in love? Do you have a wedding date set yet? When are you having kids? How many kids do you want?"  

We have alllllllll been asked those questions. Usually, they are great questions! But sometimes, they are hard when we don't know the answer. I really don't know a lot of things in my life right now.

I don't know if I am choosing the right major. I don't know when I am getting married, nor do I really care. I don't know when I am going to graduate. I don't know if I am at the right school. I don't know what I want. I don't know if I have faith some days.

"I know that he loveth his children; nevertheless, 

I do not know the meaning of all things."

1 Nephi 11:17

I think many times we complicate the Nature of God. We get frustrated in His timing and His plan for us. We get frustrated with answers we receive, or get frustrated when answers aren't given. We get confused on why we go through what we do. We get confused on why something we thought was so perfect, could turn out so not. We get frustrated in ourselves, that we cannot keep up to Gods standards. We complicate the way He speaks to us. Or we feel He isn't even there.

God is perfect. 

He is all knowing. 

He knows me. And my feelings. And my thoughts. And my sadness. And my happiness.
He cares.

He is full of unconditional love.

He has a plan.

These words I repeat to myself every day. On the happiest of days, and on the hardest of days. 

God knew that I, Morgan Gardiner, and every other human being that has ever existed would feel all different emotions, even the bad ones. And that is why He so lovingly let His son experience the lowest of lows, so someone would be able to understand. Someone would get it. But not only that, He would rescue us. He saves. He heals. He changes us to be something better than we ever thought we could be. He inspires. He lifts. He loves. Even when we doubt this, I feel God is just pleading that we don't stop trying. Hope is provided by God, and I feel He so badly wants us to just keep going, and turn to Him, the true source of peace.

I have learned to embrace the days that may not be the greatest. To take them as opportunities that we get to feel a bit of what the Savior felt, and let all we experience in life bring us to our knees. Cause who better to talk to then the one who created you?

I don't know if any of this made sense. But I felt so strongly that someone needed a little reminder. That someone is probably me, but why not publicly share some realness.

This post is not trying to tell people who are honestly happy, not to be happy. DEFINITELY NOT. But I just want someone reading this to know that even if they are not happy right now, they don't have faith, they have no confidence, they are heartbroken, or they are depressed.. THAT IT IS OKAY. Tender mercies are all around. Tomorrow is another day to choose faith. 

Oh. And the next time you ask me "Morgan! How are you?" You better believe whatever comes out of my mouth is the truth. :)