Inconsistency is consistently a blessing.

I feel like my mind consists of oxymoron’s like that one. ^ I guess it's the weird philosopher side of me. I don't know. Okay so my mind has been enlightened in a huge way through the last two weeks. I have experienced some incredible moments, moments that I will cherish and keep sacred for forever. But through these moments, I learned a powerful lesson.

Rewind.

A few weeks ago I was at a beautiful funeral for a woman who changed lives. She left a legacy and will always be remembered. Her spirit touched the hearts of all who had an interaction with her, or even heard of her good heart, her deeds, and her faith. Her husband spoke at the funeral and impacted me in ways that he will never be able to understand. The way he spoke about her was the most beautiful thing I have ever heard. The spirit in the room was tangible, testifying of eternal marriage and that covenant keeping is real, and beautiful, and lasts forever. It made me want to find not just a relationship, but a relationship full of power, one that the Lord is in charge of, one He guides, and find someone I can respect as he so lovingly respects her. Losing a companion is something no one would of course ever want to imagine. This in my view is one of the most difficult trials. But in my outsider-limited perspective, what I get from this family's example is that this event is the most difficult blessing. They have turned something heartbreaking, to something that changes they way they live, serve, and show faith. It is simply inspiring. 

In this mans remarks, he quoted Elder Holland by saying:

“You can’t separate Bethlehem from Gethsemane or the hasty flight into Egypt from the slow journey to the summit of Calvary. It’s of one piece. It is a single plan. It considers ‘the fall and rising again of many in Israel’"

This   struck   my   heart.   All good; and all bad; are part of the plan. I mean we hear repeatedly that "opposition in all things" is part of the plan, but when we are actually experiencing that great trial of:

opposition- darkness- doubt- confusion- misunderstanding

lack of understanding- unanswered prayers- countless questions- pain

anguish- boredom- lack of progression 

...you wanna slap someone every time they say opposition is a good thing! You think to yourself, if God wants us to have joy, if that is His main purpose, why do I only feel the opposite? 

This is what the spirit taught me, again in such a loving, quiet, yet powerful way. The good and the bad come together. They work perfect together. Real love and loss come together. Happy life and difficult death come together. Death and Salvation come together. Life has moments of falling and moments to rise. They are part of the plan. But salvation trumps all. Those thoughts have repeated in my mind and heart daily this last week. This all makes the importance of understanding why to life’s difficult situations, a lot less desired from our hearts. 

When we trust that falling and rising go hand in hand, we see the bigger picture, with eternal eyes. We start seeing as God sees. The two things that happened in both Bethlehem and Gethsemane/Calvary, are considered to be the most beautiful acts of love to have ever existed. God sent his only son, Jesus Christ, to come down to this world and change it. To lead by example and by love, and teach us how we can live with our Father again. Christ died on Calvary, and was resurrected, to redeem us from the fall. To become whole again. To break the bands of death. 

Oh how grateful I am for these two moments in history. Yes, the atonement that Christ provided included the greatest suffering to ever exist, but the eternal joy that came from that suffering exceeded all bad this world would ever feel. Why would we want to separate those two events, let alone separate our good from our bad? Come what may and love it. Recognize that darkness, doubt and anguish help us progress, help us change, help us serve, and to look to the Lord. Allll good things. I’m grateful.

So.

My Bishop saw me at church and pulled me into his office, and we began discussing the beautiful gospel. He asked me how I was doing, and I said that I was good! But I have realized this last year has been the most inconsistent of my entire life. And it was something I was frustrated about. I asked him, 

"Why does my life have to be so up and down? Why is Satan so powerful at times, and God so powerful in others? Why is my life so inconsistent? Or why does it feel that way… Why can't I just have this upward progression always?” I quickly summed up life events in this last year that have brought me to darkness. But because "the spirit quickeneth all things," I was immediately reminded of the countless experiences I had that changed me. 

You know those little moments where you feel the greatest amount of love and worth you could ever feel? Or the moments of hope and peace that fill your soul when you need it the most? We are being ungrateful if we don't acknowledge the existence of those powerful moments. They are real. And they are from the all knowing, all loving Father and Savior. 

Then I was reminded of what I so powerfully learned last week at the most beautiful funeral. "You can't separate Bethlehem and Gethsemane..." That inconsistency in our life, is consistently a blessing. 

I felt a warmth come over me, and a feeling that the Lord not only knows who I am, but he let me know that I learned something. That I just had a moment of progression. 

There is no greater feeling.

To any who are reading this, know your life experiences will work together for your good, when you love and serve the Lord. Even if life is inconsistent, trust that that was how the Lord intended it to be. Try it. I dare you.